on the dark side of that thing

i was discussing with someone how tomatoes are closely related to strawberries and how CA-RAZY that is, so i thought about other things i will represent here.

the closest relative to an elephant

pictured above: elephant

is the hyrax.

pictured above: stupid pissed off rat

pretty stupid huh? it gets dumber.


the closest relative to a raccoon

horny probably gay raccoon

is the giant panda.

NOM NOM NOM NOM

that raccoon is laying down serious dick. he probably boned every other raccoon he could find before he started running through dogs alphabetically. pandas can't even be bothered to get a handjob.

these seem pretty wild and opposite, but i found one that makes perfect sense.

me

odds on self-defecation: 50/50

the dude with the biggest dick in the world

not the guy with the biggest dick in the world, but it -is- the #1 google result for "biggest dick in the world"


the world makes sense now.

journeying far into the astral realm.

if aliens ever come we are so fucked. SO fucked. i think this because of movies but not because i think movies are real (they are). i think it because in a movie, whenever a space craft lands, and something walks out, and the army shoots at it for hours on end, i think yes. that seems about right to me. i share in the disbelief of the extras cast as soldiers.

if aliens come, i will side with the people who choose to destroy them. and i will be wrong. and we will all be fucked.

bang the drum slowly

the 15th season episode of the simpsons, entitled "milhouse doesn't live here anymore", is goddamn hilarious if for no reason other than this.



MILHOUSE. WITH BLEACHED HAIR. laugh x 1,000,000.

i don't remember anything else about the episode aside from milhouse's hair and he has a capital city version of monopoly.

also funny: cursing at dogs.